People often comment about how confident I am. I find this quite amusing, and often surprising. Like everyone I have certain sensitivities but I make a conscious effort to not let self-destructive thoughts get in the way of living honestly and authentically. Am I a master at this? Hells no. But, the thought of living a half-life is terrifying, so I face the fear and choose to live.
So, here are my top tips to be more confident with my body:
Make the Choice
Every decision we have in life is a choice. Naturally I’m very curious, and my personality is one which needs to be constantly tested and tested – for this I am extremely grateful. When I have the option to do something I am not comfortable with, there are always two options – do it, or run away. I do believe in knowing when to walk away, but how can confidence ever be built up, if we never test ourselves? I also know that when I don’t do something, I regret it later – and I really dislike that feeling of regret and guilt which sits in the pit of my stomach. I’ve also noticed, that it’s typically after our biggest challenges that I feel the most pride and sense of achievement – which naturally builds confidence.
Get a Massage
When I turned 18, my sister took me to the Gold Coast, Australia for my birthday. At the time I was not as comfortable with my curvy, plus size body as I am now – and I was a considerably smaller size 18. We opted for a massage and even today I remember the feeling of shame I had towards myself. How was I going to let someone touch my body? But, I distinctly remember thinking, ‘But I want the massage…so I have two choices; get on the bed or leave’. I got on the bed.
Did I enjoy it? I did, but I would’ve enjoyed it more, if I was more body confident. I remember lying there stiff as a board – particularly when her hands were close to the areas I was least comfortable (bulging belly, chub rub thighs, winged underarms! – anyone else relate?).
I faced my fears, and realised it wasn’t as bad as I had accepted. These days I love massages and have them often. I strip off with no problems, lie on the bed and wait to be pampered. It just feels so good and makes me happy!
Plus Size Women and Dating
Plus size women do date! And there are plenty of men who love our curves! I typically do not believe in looking to outside parties for validation (especially men!) as it’s not effective long term. However, there is something to be said about going on a date with someone who finds you attractive. And let me assure you my plus size beauties, there is always someone who finds you attractive! The flirting, dressing up, a vino or two, and the possibility of a kiss at the end of the evening is exciting, sexy, alluring and definitelyone way to help build confidence.
Look at Your Naked Curves in the Mirror
I am a big believer in jumping in the deep end. Face your fears. Be kind to yourself, remind yourself of your worth, be grateful for what you have and practice gratitude for all you are and have. Over time, how you view yourself will change. This can be confronting to some, and I can imagine some of you cringing as you read this. If jumping in the deep end doesn’t work, dip your toe in. Who knows….you might realise it’s not as bad as you’ve built up in your head.
Focus on Your ‘Good’ Parts
Everyone has a body part they like. For me, I have thick, long hair (despite the fact I cannot control it), tall, curvy, good skin and a booty to rival all booty’s. When I dress myself, I accentuate the areas I like, and chose clothing that best suits my least favourite parts (STOMACH!)
But I also focus on non-physical attributes. I remind myself of my (reasonable) intelligence, sense of loyalty, kind, caring, occasionally funny and interesting. It’s important to keep in perspective that the sum of your person is not just your looks. And as a whole, the package looks pretty damn good.
Having sex is generally good for the soul. Have more of it. And it does make people more confident – including myself. If you’re in the sack with someone, and it’s getting steamy, the person you’re with is pretty happy to be there – otherwise they wouldn’t be there! Personally, I’m not confident at all times, and in all positions; there are (for me) varying factors including who I am with. But, the more confidence you have, the better and more often the sex will be – your partner will love you even more for it!
Push Your Own Boundaries
The only way to grow confidence is to continually test yourself and move past your comfort zone. My favourite saying, is become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s such a cliché, but there is so much truth to it. If there is something you have always wanted to do, swallow your fear and do it. You might be surprised by how you feel afterwards!
Building confidence is a decision we all make and like a muscle, can grow. The more confidence you have, the more authentic and fulfilling your life will be. I remind myself of this on a daily basis.
Build a Versatile Wardrobe Which Works for Your Body
Clothes don’t make the woman, but they can go a long way to help the woman feel great. Us plus size ladies know better than anyone, that a fabulous outfit can make us glow! Having a capsule wardrobe as your base, gives you peace of mind that you always have great quality, classic, well-fitting clothes for your curves. Then you can experiment and build upon it to help further express your personality and be more event appropriate. Buy that gorgeous plus size dress, you may find that patterns really do suit your curves.